BOSS GURU

Got a workplace gripe? Or just need some sage advice? BOSS Guru is your boffin on hand to help you navigate through the unwritten laws of the workplace. Please send your questions to boss@afr.com.au. Updated monthly.

2010

FEBRUARY

Q. Dear guru, ahhhh. ... New year and here I am back at the office even though it's summer and the ocean remains a beckoning 22 degrees - too cruel. All I want to do is keep sleeping in, head to the beach and be lucky to be in the office from 11am to 4pm (absolute max). But is it safe to resume the great Aussie pastime of slacking off over summer? Is the GFC really over? Or should I remain on high alert and stay between the flags?

A. Yes, well, we are still busy inspecting the sand between our toes and only really up to reaching for another champagne cocktail. So in this we are going to lead by example and delegate responsibility for answering this pressing query to the world-famous Esquire columnist Stanley Bing, aka Gil Schwartz. In short, we believe, not slacking off over summer is simply un-Australian. The key is to mask it well. Bing's book Executricks, or How to Retire While You're Still Working has some nifty tricks. We like his advice on creating a "virtual door" for those poor dweebs stuck in those wretched cubicles that Dante would have listed in his various depictions of Hell had they been invented back then. Bing suggests turning the computer screen away from other people and cultivating "patterns of unfriendliness''. A bit of body odour probably wouldn't hurt either.

Even better (if one can maintain the illusion) is to refrain from spending too much time in the office. You have probably noticed your superior employing this tactic during the summer months. He or she is operating on the maxim that people assume anyone absent is engaged on important business. Keeping your mobile glued to your ear while in the office, talking in vexed urgent tones and exiting the office with a pained look on your face and piles of manilla folders adds to this carefully cultivated image of "stress on the run". No one will dare even call you - they'll figure you've got enough on your plate. This won't be appropriate for everyone, of course. Brain surgeons, for instance, sort of have to be there. But us knowledge workers, man, what did they invent BlackBerrys for? Just remember to put the little bugger in a plastic bag before heading for the beach.

Yours, BOSS Guru